SELF IDENTITY WHAT DOES IT MEAN, WHAT IT IS CONSTITUTED OF, WHETHER TO BELIEVE, PUT TO PRACTICE AND ACTION IS GOOD OR BAD, AND IF BAD, WHY SO AND WHAT IS THE ANSWER AND WHAT ARE THE SUGGESTIONS AND IF GOOD, WHAT ARE THE ADVANTAGES WHETHER ONE MUST UNPKEEP IT AT ALL COST, IS IT A RIGHT THINKING OR NOT.. WHAT DOES SELF IDENTITY MEAN AND WHAT IT IS CONSTITUTED OF? 1- SELF ESTEEM 2. SELF PERSONALITY 3. SELF VIEWS 4. SELF WAYS OF LIVING, BEHAVING AND ACTIONS THEREOF 5. REMAIN CHALLENGER, NEVER GIVE IN. TO HOLD AND UPKEEP ALL ESTEEMED AND IMAGINED VALUES OF LIFE. 6. WIPE OFF GENDER BIAS AND TO CHALLENGE BY ALL MEANS IF SOMEONE BELIEVES AND BEHAVES ACCORDING, AND TO CHALLENGE WITH ALL STRENGH AND MEANS TO SHOW AND DEMONSTRATE THAT GIRLS ARE NO LESS STRONGER THAN THE BOYS, WOMEN TO MEN, FEMALES COMPARED TO MEN. QUESTION ARISES AS TO WHY AND WHAT ARE THE CONTRIBUTORY FACTORS: 1. INBORN TRAITS 2. UPBRINGING 3. PARENTS THINKING, ATTITUDES AND BEHAVIOUR IN RELATIONSHIP AS HUSBAND AND WIFE, TOWARDS RELATIONS, OUTSIDE WORLD AND TOWARDS THEIR CHILD(ren). 4. IN COLLEGE, HOW THE BOYS AND GIRLS BEHAVED WITH EACH OTHER. DID THE BOYS NOT TREATED THE GIRLS AS WEAKER GENDERS AND ACTED ACCORDINGLY, AND IN SUCH A SITUATION, HOW THE GIRLS BEHAVED AND DEFENDED THEMSELVES, NOT ONLY THIS, BUT CHALLENGED THEM TO REMAIN GENTLE AND DARE NEVER TO TOUCH THEM OR CAST ANY VULGAR WORDS AND/OR BEHAVIOUR 5. REPULSION IF EVER ATTACKED OR BEHAVED IN UNDESIRABLE MANNER 6. TRAINING IN CERTAIN SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES AS TO HOW THE GIRLS MUST DEFEND THEMSELVES BY ALL COMBATIVE MEANS AND TRICKS. 7. NOT BEING RECOGNISED AS ONE IS, POSSIBLY IF ONE IS IGNORED BY THE TEACHER, PROFESSOR, COLLEAGUES, EVEN BY PARENTS IN THEIR BEHAVIOUR TOWARDS OTHER CHILDREN AND NEGLECTING THE ONE CONCERNED. BESIDES ALL ABOVE, HOW ONE HAS BEEN APPRECIATED OR DESPISED DURING THE COURSE OF ONE’S LIFE MAKE ONE CONSCIOUS OF SELF IDENTITY AND TO DEFEND IT AT ALL COST IN FULL STRENGTH TO PROTECT ONE’S SELF IDENTITY AND TO FACE AS SUCH ALL CONSEQUENCES WHICH MAY FOLLOW GOOD OR BAD. TRUE SELF IDENTITY IS IMPORTANT IN THE SENSE THAT ONE IS 1. RESPECTED 2. ACCEPTED IN WHATEVER VIEWS, HABITS AND BEHAVIOUR ONE IS. 3. HIS/HER PERSONALITY AS IT IS, NEEDS TO BE ACCEPTED AND APPRECIATED. NO INTERFERENCE AT ALL, NO CRITICISM NOR QUESTIONING IN ANY MANNER IS TOLERATED OR ACCEPTED. WHEN AND WHERE SELF IDENTITY IS HURT AND AFTER A GIVEN TIME IT FIRMS UP AND LIVING TOGETHER OR ASSOCIATED BACOMES DIFFICULT; 1. IT HAPPENS IN A CIRCLE OF FRIENDS WHERE ONE IS RECOGNISED AND THE OTHER IS NEGLECTED AND/OR NOT GIVEN ATTENTION. 2. ALL DISCUSSION IS SURROUNDED AND MONOPOLISED BY EITHER WITH THE HUSBAND/ WIFE AND/OR FRIENDS. 3. ALL GET CROWDED TOGETHER AND LEAVE THE SO-CALLED SELF-IDENTITY PERSON ALONE. 4. THE SELF-IDENTITY PERSON DOES NOT KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE SUBJECT BEING DISCUSSED FEELS THAT THERE IS NOTHING HE/SHE CAN TALK ABOUT. HENCE KEEPS ONESELF ALOOF AND FEELING INTERNALLY DEPRESSED OR ANNOYED. 5. IT IS POSSIBLE THAT ONE DOES NOT FIT IN THE SOCIETY OF HIS/HER COMPANION OR FRIEND. 6. IT IS POSSIBLE THAT ONE IS NOT MUCH VOCAL TO ATTRACT THE ATTENTION OF OTHERS. 7. IT IS POSSIBLE THAT MOST OF THE PERSONS IN THE GROUP/GATHERING KNOW THE THE PERSONALITY AND VIEWS OF THE SELF-IDENTITY PERSON AND FEEL THAT SUCH PERSON IS ADAMANT IN HIS/HER VIEWS AND THERE IS NO USE TO TALK AND WASTE THE TIME. HENCE IN SUCH A SITUATION, WHAT IS THE ANSWER; IT IS ESSENTIAL AND FOREMOST IMPORTANT THAT THE COOMPANION, FRIEND OR HUSBAND/WIFE MUST TAKE CARE TO ENCOURAGE HER/HIM TO GET CLOSE TO THE GROUP, BETTER START DISCUSSING ON THE SUBJECT WHICH INTERESTS THE SELF- IDENTITY PERSON. FOR HIM/HER, IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT WHEN THEY GO TO A PARTY WITH FRIENDS ETC. EACH ONE WANTS TO TALK AND PARTICIPATE AND IF SOMEHOW SUFFICIENT ATTENTION IS NOT GIVEN, AND WORST OF ALL, IF THE COMPANION GETS BUSY TO TALK OVER TO FRIENDS AND LEAVING THE SELF IDENTITY PERSON ALONE OR STANDING SIDE BY SIDE JUST TO BE PRESENT, CAUSES NEGLECT, AND ANNOYANCE AND IF SUCH INCIDENTS HAPPEN QUITE OFTEN. ANGER CONTINUES MOUNTING AND ONE DAY OR THE OTHER BURST HAPPENS IN SHOUTING AND ACCUSAION AND AS RETURN TO NORMAL RELATIONS BECOME TERSE AND POSSIBLY IRREVERSIBLE. IN SUCH A SITUATION, IF THE COMPANION ACCEPTS AND REALISES THE FEELINGS, ANGER AND INSTEAD OF DEFENDING, ACCEPTS THE TRUTH AND ASSURES THAT HEREAFTER HE/SHE WILL REMAIN CONSCIOUS OF THE FACT AND DO ALL TO BE IN THE SOCIETY OF FRIENDS WHERE HIS/HER SELF-IDENTITY FRIEND ENJOYS. FURTHER IIT IS POSSIBLE THAT EACH ONE GETS TO FRIENDS OF THEIR CHOICE BUT WHEN BOTH WILL MEET,IT IS EVIDENT THEY WILL NEVER ACCEPT AND/OR ENJOY SUCH A BEHAVIOUR. LET IT NOT AND NEVER BE FORGOTTEN THAT GOING TO A PARTY OR MEETING COMMEN FRIENDS OF BOTH, BOTH GO TO ENJOY BY PARTICIPATION IN THE FUNCTION. AND AS SUCH NEEDS TO BE GIVEN FULL ATTENTION TO PARTICIPATE AND FEEL SATISFIED THAT SHE/SHE HAS EXPRESSED HIM/HERSELF FREELY AND FRANKLY AND THAT THE PARTICIPANT FIENDS HAVE APPRECIATED HIS/HER VIEWS AS WELL. THIS IS CALLED SELF-ELATION AND SELF APPRECIATION, EACH AND EVERYONE WANTS AND IT IS THE WEAKNESS OF ALL HUMAN BEINGS. PRECAUTION; THE EARLIER AND EARLIEST THE COMPANION WILL UNDERSTAND THE FEELINGS AND EXPRESSION OF HIS/HER COMPANION, THE BETTER IT WILL BE AND TENDENCY TO MOVE TOWARD AND/OR FIRM UP IN THINKING AND BEHAVIOUR TOWARDS SELF-IDENTITY WILL NOT DEVELOP. NOW THE QUESTION ARISES WHETHER TO ENSURE SELF IDENTITY AND TO PROTECT IT AT ALL COST IS THE CORRECT THINKING, ATTITUDE AND BEHAVIOUR. POSSIBLY NOT, AS WE ARE SOCIAL BEINGS, WE NEED TO REMAIN DEPENDENT ON EACH OTHER WE CAN NEVER AFFORD TO LIVE ALONE IN ISOLATION. IT IS IN THIS CONTEXT THAT MARRIAGE OF MALE AND FEMALE TAKES PLACE, PARENTS ARE ACCEPTED IN LOVE, FRIENDSHIPS ARE FORMED. RELATIONS ARE CREATED, ACCEPTANCE TO WORK WITH COLLEAGUES AND COLLABORATE WITH THEM, TO TOLERATE THE BOSS AS HE/SHE IS. THOUGH SELF IDENTITY IS IMPORTANT AND NEEDS FULL RESPECT, IT SHOULD NEVER SUPERSEDE THE ADJUSTMENT, TOLERANECE AND ACCEPTANCE AND IF EVER IT HAPPENS, IT WILL BREAK ALL RELATIONSHIP IN WHATEVER FORM THESE ARE, IN PARTICULAR AS HUSBAND AND WIFE AND IF THIS HAPPENS, STILL BEING AS SOCIAL BEING ONE SHALL NEED TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH OTHERS LIKE PARENTS, FRIENDS, SOME SPOUSES ETC. ETC. LET IT NEVER BE FORGOTTEN THAT IN SELF IDENTITY ALSO, ONE NEEDS TO ACCEPT AND ADJUST IN TOLERANCE AND ACCEPTANCE, AND IF ONE CLAIMS ONE’S RIGHT TO SELF IDENTITY IS AN EXCLUSIVE ONE, THEN ALL THOSE WITH WHOM SELF IDENTITY LOVER WILL GET ASSOCIATED, THEY WILL NECESSARILY HAVE TO BE TOLERATED AND ACCEPTED AS EACH ONE IS, OTHERWISE SUCH A PERSON CLAIMING SEL IDENTIY WILL REMAIN ISOLATED IN LONELINESS LEADING TO DEPRESSION ETC. In conclusion, the spouses who endear and claim self esteem and self identity but it is essential at the same time that they should not and never allow self identity to supersede and/or overpower tolerance, adjustment and acceptance, if for certain reasons,if one remains adamant to protect and espouse for self identity will have dangerous consequences. MOTTO BEING SOCIAL BEINGS AS WE ARE, WE NEED TO LIVE AND GET ASSOCIATED WITH ONE, A FEW AND POSSIBLY WITH MANY TO TALK, DISCUSS AND SHARE OUR FEELINGS, VIEWS ETC, AS SUCH IT IS ESSENTIAL TO BELIEVE AND ACT IN TOLERANCE, ADJUSTMENT AND ACCEPTANCE IF ONE WANTS TO LIVE A PEACEFUL AND HAPPY LIFE. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Bby vasdevloond founder of cost free marriage bureau, titled Marriage Guidance New Concept Contacts: 9811943867 vasdevloond@gmail.com