DAUGHTER IN-LAW AND MOTHER IN-LAW’S FUED ESPECIALLY FOR A WORKING GIRL IN MIDDLE CLASS FAMILY AND SOLUTIONS THEREOF -WORKING GIRL IN MIDDLE CLASS FAMILY AFTER MARRIAGE REMAINS OBLIGED TO LIVE IN A JOINT FAMILY MAINLY DUE TO FINANCIAL COMPULSIONS -AS SUCH THE DIFFICULTY FOR THE WORKING GIRL STARTS BESIDES OTHER FACTORS LIKE DOWRY, GIFTS, MARRIAGE CELEBRATION SHORTCOMINGS ETC. ETC. BECAUSE SHE IS TO WORK WHOLE DAY IN WORKPLACE AND ON RETURN HOME, SHE IS EXPECTED TO GET TO KITCHEN, DO COOKING AND ALSO TAKE CARE OF ALL NEEDS AND REQUIREMENTS OF HER HUSBAND -HARDEST BECOMES THE SITUATION ESPECIALLY IN THE MORNING WHEN BOTH HUSBAND AND WIFE HAVE TO RUSH FOR RESPECTIVE WORKPLACES AFTER TAKING BREAKFAST AND DRESSING UP PROPERLY AS WISHED FOR BY EACH. -THE WIFE IN SUCH A SITUATION IS OBLIGED TO GET UP EARLY, PREPARE BREAKFAST, SERVE TO ALL MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY INCLUDING HER HUSBAND AND BE IN HURRY TO GET READY FOR THE WORKPLACE. -AS SUCH A BIT OF DELAY IN SERVING BREAKFAST AND/OR SHE GETTING LATE TO GET TO HER WORKPLACE, CAUSES IRRESTIBLE TENSION IN HER MIND. -AS SUCH THERE DEVELOP ALL CHANCES SOONER OR LATER TO CRACK DOWN, CRY, SHOUT AND USE ALL SORTS OF ABUSIVE LANGUAGE AND THREATEN TO MOVE OUT AND/OR TO MOVE IN FOR DIVORCE. -SUCH A SITUATION HAPPENS ESPECIALLY IN JOINT FAMILIES IN SITUATIONS LIKE: -MOTHER INLAW IS OLD -MOTHER INLAW IS VINDICTIVE AND EXPECTS HER DAUGHTER INLAW TO DO ALL HOUSEHOLD JOBS AS HER DUTY AS A GIRL/WIFE. -EVEN IF ASSISTED, THE MOTHER INLAW DOESN’T LIKE THE WORKING OF HER DAUGHTER INLAW AND IN BEANT UP ANGER, SHE ACCUSES AND ABUSES HER DAUGHER INLAW AS IF SHE KNOWS NOTHING AND HAS LEARNT NOTHING IN HER PARENTS FAMILY. -MOTHER INLAW WHO HAS BEEN TAKING CARE OF HER SON, PREFERS TO COOK AND SERVE HERSELF FOOD/BREAKFAST/DINNER ETC. TO HIS SON AND TRIES TO KEEP HER DAUGHTER INLAW AWAY DUE TO OTHER GROWN UP MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY ETC. -DAUGHER INLAW FEELS NEGLECTED, MORE AS AN OUTSIDER THAN BEING MEMBER OF THE FAMILY, NO PARTICIPATION IN DIALOGUE AND/OR DECISION MAKING, RATHER KEEPING HER ASIDE INTENTIONALLY AS A LADY AND ALSO KEEP THEIR DISCUSSIONS SECRET FROM HER -TEASING AND CRITISING DAUGHTER INLAW ALL THE TIME ABOUT HER PARENTS” BEHAVIOUR, EXPECTATION OF SOME SORT OF GIFTS, ESPECIALLY ON RITUAL CEREMONIES AND FESTIVALS ETC. ETC. -WORST OF ALL, WHETHER HER HUSBAND IN THE FAMIL FEELS TO ASSIST HER IN DOING HOUSEHOLD JOB AND/OR BELIEVES THAT ALL HOUSEHOLD JOBS ARE THE DUTY OF HIS WIFE AS A GIRL AND NOT/NEVER HIS. -FURTHER EVEN IF HE WANTS TO ASSIST, ALL THE MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY, ESPECIALLY MOTHER INLAW NEVER ALLOWS HIS SON TO SHARE HOUSEHOLD JOBS WITH HIS WIFE, SHE WILL PREFER TO DO HERSELF AND WILL CONTINUE GRUMBLING AND CRITICISING HER DAUGHTER INLAW -IN THIS VICIOUS ATMOSPHERE AND ALSO HAVING BEEN HABITUATED THAT ALL HIS NEEDS LIKE SERVING BREAKFAST. KEEPING ALL CLOTHES READY, TIP TOP, TO TAKE OUT FROM HIS ALMIRAH AND DRESS UP IN HURRY WITHOUT ANY INCONVENIENCE, HE EXPECTS IN TURN TO DO ALL THIS BY HIS WIFE, IRRESPECTIVE OF THE FACT THAT SHE IS ALSO A WORKING GIRL LIKE HIM -AT TIMES GENDER BIAS REMAINS AS A MAN -SOME TIME HER HUSBAND INDULGES IN CRITICISING HER PARENTS/INLAWS FOR ALL TYPES OF REASONS, REAL OR FABRICATED ONES. -LIKEWISE THERE HAPPEN VARIOUS TYPES OF BEHAVIOUR, ENVIRONMENTS ETC. ETC. WHICH TEND TO BRING IN UNHAPPINESS AND ANGER IN THE DAUGHTER INLAW AND ADDED TO ALL THIS, NEGLECT AND CARELESSNESS BY HUSBAND AND HIS MOTHER FOR HER DAUGHTER INLAW. FORCES HER TO FIGHT WITH MOTHER INLAW AND EVEN WITH HER HUSBAND AND FINALLY DECIDE TO BREAK THE WEDLOCK AND MOVE AWAY FROM THE HOUSE. WHEN TO LIVE IN JOINT FAMILY IS A COPULSION FOR A WORKING GIRL AFTER MARRIAGE DUE TO CUSTOMS, FINANCIAL NEEDS ETC., SHARE RESPONSIBILITIES, TO TAKE CARE OF HER CHILDREN AFTER MARRIAGE ETC. ETC. IT IS AS SUCH ESSENTIAL TO THINK OVER AND SUGGEST SOME SOLUTIONS, WHICH IN MY VIEW COULD BE AS UNDER: POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS . BEFORE MARRIAGE, THE GIRL MUST TAKE ENOUGH TIME AT LEAST 2-3 MONTHS TO CHECK ON 1.BEHAVIOUR OF THE WOULD-BE HUSBAND 2.HIS HABITS AND ATTITUDE 3 WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT WOMEN EMPOWERMENT -WHAT ARE HIS VIEWS ABOUT A WORKING GIRL, IN PARTICULAR TO HER RELATIONS WITH HIS MOTHER 4-WHETHER HE FEELS ESSENTIAL TO LIVE IN HOUSE IN JOINT FAMILY ETC. ETC. 5 MOST IMPORTANT SHE MUST VISIT ENOUGH TIMES HER WOULD-BE HUSBAND’S HOUSE TO OBSERVE, CLEAR DOUBTS IF ANY WITH HER WOULD-BE HUSBAND, IN HER SEPARATE AFTER MEETS. 6.INITIATE TO COOK FOOD AND SEE WHETHER HER WOULD BE HUSBAND COMES TO HER TO ASSIST, OR HIS MOTHER OR SOMEONE ELSE, OR NONE. THIS EXERCISE WILL ENABLE HER TO OBSERVE THE ATTITUDE AND BEHAVIOUR OF HER WOULD BE HUSBAND, HIS MOTHER ETC. (B) ALSO DO OBSERVE WHETHER FOOD PREPARED BY HER HAS BEEN APPRECIATED OR CRITICISED, EVEN IF NOTHING IS SAID, SHE CAN OBSERVE HOW MUCH EACH DISH EACH ONE HAS TAKEN AND LEFT IN HIS/HER PLATE, WHICH IN OTHER WORDS WILL SHOW DISLIKING TO SOME EXTENT © SHE MUST ALSO OBSERVE ABOUT THE FACIAL EXPRESSION OF EACH AND EVERYONE, WHICH WILL ALSO INDICATE THE LIKING AND DISLIKING OF THE FOOD 7.SHE MUST ENGAGE IN SOME TOPICS TO OBSERVE AS TO WHAT IS THE REACTION OF EACH, IN PARTICULR OF HER WOULD BE HUSBAND, WHETHER SHE IS ALLOWED TO EXPRESS HERSELF FULLY ABOUT HER VIEWS OR IS STOPPED HERE AND THERE. 8. ALSO PERHAPS DISCUSS THAT AS I WILL BE WORKING, PERHAPS ENGAGING A MAID COULD BE BETTER OPTION TO HELP THE WOULD BE MOTHER IN LAW AND DO SOME HOUSEHOLD JOBS AND THEN SEE AND OBSERVE AS TO WHAT IS THEIR REPLY WHICH SUITS HER OR NOT. 9. SHE CAN OBSERVE IN DISCUSSION AMONGST THE FAMILY AS TO WHO LISTENS TO WHOM AND WHO FINALLY TAKES DECISION. IF THE WOULD BE HUSBAND TAKES FINAL DECISION. SO GOOD, IF NOT BY HIM, IT COULD BE PROBLEMETIC AND THIS QUESTION SHE CAN GET CLARIFIED IN HER SEPARATE MEETING WITH HER WOULD BE HUSBAND 10 IF SHE BEARS SOME DOUBTS ABOUT THE FAMILY AND/OR BEHAVIOUR OF WOULD MOTHER INLAW OR SOMEONE ELSE IN THE FAMILY, SHE CAN ASK HER WOULD BE HUSBAD IF FOR SOME REASONS DESPITE ALL HER EFFORTS, LIVING IN YOUR HOUSE BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO MOVE WITH HER TO A SEPARATE MICRO UNIT, ONLY IN SUCH WORST CIRCUMSTANCES. 11. AS SHE IS A WORKING GIRL, FROM TIME TO TIME SHE SHOULD GO TO WOULD BE HUSHAND’S HOUSE IN SAME WEARS AND AND SEE WHETHER SHE IS ACCEPTED AS SUCH OR IS CRITICISED 12. LIKEWISE IN DEALING WITH HER WOULD BE HUSBAND SHE MUST OBSERVE AS TO WHETHER HE CARES FOR WHAT IS CALLED CARING AND SHARING, PARTICIPATION AND SYMPATHISING ETC. -THESE ARE JUST INITIAL CHCK-UPS TO CLEAR DOUBTS LATER ON SPECIFIC INQUIRIES BECOME ESSENTIAL PART OF THE PARENTS ETC. - FINALLY AFTER HAVING MOVED INTO ALL THIS DRILL, IT IS ESSENTIAL FOR THE GIRL TO DO ALL TO ACCOMMODATE AND ADJUST WITH HABITS AND CUSTOMS OF HER HUSBAND’S HOUSE, IN FIRM BELIEF THAT IT TAKES SOME TO GET ADJUSTED TO NEW PLACE, AND AFTER A YEAR OR SO, EVERYTHING GOES WELL AND THE PROMISES DONE AND ASPIRATIONS BUILT IN TO GET INTO WEDLOCK START MOVING SMOOTHLY IN CARING, SHARING AND IN ACCEPTING AS EACH ONE IS. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………. by vasdevloond, founder of marriage guidance new concept, cost free marriage bureau, founded in 2015. Contacts: 9811943867 vasdevloond@gmail.com -